In 8 hours, I go to my first practice for roller derby. I’ve been excited all week but tonight I’m just plain terrified.
I’ve read the rules (which changed right after I read them), I’ve got all of my gear, and I’ve read articles about the training league I’m joining. I couldn’t be more prepared, but I can’t help feeling like I’m not going to be good enough. I’m worried that I will be the worst one there and will be told to just leave instead of wasting everyone’s time.
I’m fat and out of shape. I’m afraid that I’ll pass out or that I won’t be able to keep going while the rest of the girls skate laps around me. I will be the weak link and I know it.
I’m scared. I always seem to feel inadequate, but tonight is worse than normal. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel tomorrow when I walk into practice and see all of the skinny, muscular girls that will be trying out for teams with me in December.
I know I won’t make a team, I’ve come to terms with that fact (I need a LOT of work). My goal is to finish, to make it through the try-outs, but right now I just want to crawl into a corner and cry and give up.
So there’s my sad little “woe is me” aside. Hopefully I’ll feel better in the morning….